I Do, But I Don't
by shoppinglegends
Summary: It's Ste and Doug's wedding day. Is it finally too late for Brendan and Ste? Are they finally over?
1. Chapter 1

**Please read and review and hope you like it! Just something I wrote very quickly at like 4am in the morning and hasn't been edited so excuse any mistakes!**

**I hope you enjoy and tell me if you want me to continue (I'm not promising I will as I'm so bad with that!)**

* * *

**Present day, The Wedding**

Today was the day. What everyone brands as one of the biggest day of their lives. Their wedding day. His wedding day. Ste's

This was everything he had ever wanted. Right? A loving fiance soon to be husband promising everything he hand ever wanted. Everything he had never been able to get from him.

Pulling on his suit jacket, Ste looked at himself in the mirror. He looked good. Happy. Healthy. Doug had been good for him. He had been just what he needed after all the horrible things that had happened to him in the past. Doug was going to be family now. And everything would turn out just fine.

Straightening out his jacket, Ste pulled himself together and turned around to walk out of the room and towards the hall. In a matter of minutes, he would become Steven Carter-Hay.

He was leaving behind the old and starting a new chapter. A new life.

* * *

'If anyone knows any reason why this man and man should not be joined in holy matrimony, let him speak now or forever hold his peace.'

Silence fell upon the audience. Everyone with a slight fear that someone would get up and declare this wedding a fraud or a lie. And yet nothing happened.

A few seconds past and just when the priest was about to resume the procedure, a shadow moved.

A person stood up slowly.

All eyes turned to the man in the back and Ste slowly turned his head to meet the eyes of the black haired Irish man standing at the back.

'What was he doing here?' Ste thought to himself as he felt himself start to sweat. Start to panic.

Nothing was said.

No words exchanged.

Just a look.

As if a single look was enough to express everything each man wanted to say to the other.

Ste didnt' know what he was supposed to think at the moment. Was he supposed to wish Brendan would stop the wedding some how? And give this big declaration of love?

Or was he wishing Brendan would say nothing and Ste got to live what he thought was the fairytale ending? The right ending?

Confused by all these questions, Ste could do nothing but stand there, and stare at Brendan straight in the eyes and wait.

Waiting for what exactly? He did not know.

Brendan kept his gaze on Ste, not wavering from it. The glance so intense as if it was to say 'This is the last time I will ever see you. I need to remember this.'

Ste sighed as he tilted his head slightly as if to say 'I'm sorry' as he watched Brendan's eyes tear up slightly.

Without a single word, Brendan cut off the connection and dropped his head.

Take a deep breath and sniffing, Brendan stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned around to walk out of the hall.

* * *

**2 days earlier.**

'What are you doing here Brendan?' Ste sighed as he tried to busy himself. He was packing the final couple of things in his flat. The wedding was in a couple of days and he had found a place with Doug and they were moving into it after the honeymoon.

And just as usual, Brendan had interrupted him and picked one of the worst possible moments to.

'I just...' Brendan stuttered. 'I came here to tell you I'm leaving.' Brendan paused. 'Back to Ireland.'

'Ah ok well, see you when you get back.' Ste said casually.

'No Steven.' Brendan cut him off.

'I'm not coming back. Ever.' Brendan confirmed.

'Wait what?' Ste whispered, stopping what he was doing to turn around and look at Brendan.

'Er..yeah' Brendan said as he shifted uncomfortably. 'Flights in a couple of hours. I'll be well and truly out of your hair within a couple of hours.'

'Right...' Ste said. 'So what you doing here then?'

'I...er...I just wanted to check everything was alright with the flat. After all I am the landlord.'

'Right...yeah. I'll hand the keys back to you..or Cheryl I guess now you're leaving when I'm all moved out.'

'Yeah...alright then.' Brendan said as he suddenly seemed to snap out his bubble as he headed for the door.

What was he thinking? Did he honestly expect Ste to break off the wedding and hop on a plane and come with him to Ireland just because he said he wasn't ever coming back?

For all he knows, Ste would be relived that Brendan was never going to be in Hollyoaks again and he would never have to deal with him interferring in his life.

'Wait.' Ste said desperately.

Brendan turned around to look at Ste, his heart beating much faster than his head wanted it to.

'Don't go.' Ste whispered.

'Steven...'

'Stay.' Ste whispered again.

'Why? I have nothing left here for me.' Brendan replied back.

Ste looked up at Brendan sheepishly. He knew what Brendan was saying was only partially true.

But he was here. Ste. Except he would never let himself admit that.

Especially not to Brendan.

He wouldn't let himself admit that he still wanted the man.

Ok, true, Brendan had saved his life and had been willing to take a bullet for him. But that didn't take away for all the pain he had caused him. All the bruises both physically and mentally.

'You know why...' Ste whispered.

Brendan let out a laugh and ran his hand through his hair and face.

'Will you still go through with it if I stay?'

Ste didn't even need to ask what Brendan meant. Of course...the wedding. Something so important that had managed to slip his mind for the past couple of minutes.

Ste knew he couldn't cancel the wedding. He couldn't do that to Doug. To himself. He looked at Brendan with sad eyes. Not wanting to say the words out loud but knowing Brendan would know just by looking at his face.

'Yeah...I thought so.' Brendan stated and turned around to open the door.

'But WHY?!' Ste screamed after Brendan.

'Because I'm not going to stand there and watch you promise the rest of your life to the wrong man! I am not staying to watch that!' Brendan shouted quickly in reply, without even a second's hesitation.

Brendan let out a long breathe as he continued.

'I'm not going to stay here and torture myself. Watching you build a life with him. Like I said. I'm done. I tried to fight for you. I tried to get you back. And I lost. Everything you're doing with him. You should be doing with me.' Brendan said.

Brendan slowly reached his hand up to Ste's face. Tucking some imaginary hair behind his ear and stroking Ste's cheek with his thumb one last time.

'No...' Ste shrugged away Brendan's hand, feeling the tears starting to fall. 'This is not fair.' He said, urging the tears to disappear. 'This is all your fault. Everything is all your fault!' Ste said, his anger building up at Brendan.

'We could have had all this. Everything I have with Doug now. It could have been us.' Ste admitted. 'But once again you had to go and ruin everything! You had to be the big man in control and take all that away from us.' Ste found himself shouting at Brendan as he shoved and hit Brendan's chest like a little kid having a tantrum.

Brendan stood there motionless as he watched his Steven, tears streaming down as he attacked him with a punch after a shove. Neither making much of an impact.

What was Brendan supposed to say? What was he supposed to say to him? He knew it was all his fault. He knew he could have made everything right if he had just apologised sooner. Kept his promise. Done something differently.

Brendan reached up and pulled Ste into a hug, strongly fighting against Ste's punches as Ste started to weaken and give up.

Now they were just standing there, in the middle of Ste's flat. In an embrace. Surrounded by nothing apart from the quiet sobs of Ste and Brendan's heavy breathing.

'I'm sorry. I really am.' Brendan whispered as he gripped onto Ste tightly.

'I would do anything to change how things were. I would.'

Silence once again took over the room. They had finally run out of words to say to each other. They had finally admitted everything they wanted to. They had all laid their cards on the table over and over again and they both knew that maybe this was it. They had gone round in this circle far too long.

Everything good or bad had to come to an end. And this was their end.

Pulling Ste away from him, Brendan laid a small kiss on Ste's forehead, whispering so quietly that not even the person next to them would have heard, but Ste did.

'I love you Steven. I always have and I always will.'

With those last words, Brendan turned around and walked out of the flat.

* * *

**Present day, The Wedding**

Why the hell had he come to this? Brendan thought to himself as he stormed down the stairs from the hall.

He knew it would hurt. Just like all those times before. When he had first seen Ste and Doug kissing. When Ste then told Brendan he was engaged to Doug. And finally when Ste had confirmed that he was choosing Doug over Brendan by going through with the wedding.

So no. He wasn't going to sit there and watch them say their vows. The vows which Ste should have been saying to him. Words which should be meant for him only.

Hurrying back to his flat, Brendan collected his bags and got into his car.

Pushing his emotions aside, Brendan pulled his sunglasses over his eyes and started the car and drove off, leaving Hollyoaks behind him.

Leaving him behind.

Leaving everything behind.

Only it was a few minutes too early.

If only he had stayed for a few more minutes. If only he had seen the 5'9" brown haired groom run to where his car had stood a few seconds ago.

If only he had waited a few minutes longer and heard this very man say...

'I do...

but I don't.'

* * *

**Thank you for reading! Please review and favourite and follow :) I am very very bad at following on from stories as I never like my ideas for the next chapters enough to continue but please let me know if you would like me to continue and I might just. **

**xx**


	2. Chapter 2

**Ok so I am continuing the story although I have a vague idea where I want to take this, if reviews aren't good or you guys don't like where I could possibly take the story please tell me so I can rethink my idea! **** As I wrote this chapter, I wasn't anywhere near as happy I was with the first one so I understand if you don't like this chapter but please do tell me so if you don't!**

**Sorry this is a pretty short chapter and as usual I just wrote this around 3 in the morning so sorry for any mistakes!**

**p.s. Thank you to everyone that reviewed the first chapter :) You put a huge smile on my face!**

**Please read, review, favourite and follow! x**

* * *

'Call an ambulance NOW! Sir, Sir, hey can you hear me? Stay awake!'

A slap. Another slap. A shake. Wait, what was happening?

The world went black.

They were rushing now, running, no. He couldn't feel his legs. He couldn't move? He tried to open his eyes.

He flinched. His eyes flooded with light.

And then pitch black hit him again.

* * *

'Steven Hay repeat after me. I, Steven Hay...' The priest instructed.

'I, Steven Hay.' Ste repeated after him.

'solemnly swear to love Douglas Carter...'

'solemnly swear to love Douglas Carter...' Ste repeated after the priest.

But did he?

Shut up Ste, he thought to himself.

Just say the words. They are just words. Just keep saying them.

He shrugged the thoughts out of his mind and began to concentrate again on what the priest was saying.

'I can't.'

Time froze.

Who had just said that? Ste looked around as he tried to figure out who had uttered those unspeakable words at a wedding.

When all eyes were stared straight back at him he realised he had been the one to utter those words.

'I mean...never mind sorry please continue.' Ste said as he felt himself blush and start to sweat.

Shocked the priest tried to save the service.

Clearing his throat, the priest said, addressing Ste. 'Mr. Hay that's alright. Just answer this. Do you take Douglas Carter to be your loving husband, through the tough times and the good times?'

Ste took a deep breathe and looked at Doug.

Doug's eyes were filled with fear. Worry. This was after all his big day too. Ste couldn't be so selfish. He had to give Doug what he wanted! This marriage.

Right?

It wasn't all about Ste. He had to be selfless. It was what he was supposed to do.

And yet he couldn't stop himself from thinking about him. That one person that managed to always interfere no matter what.

Marry him. Marry Doug. Ste's conscience told him. That will mean you have truly started a new life and he will never be able to interfere again. Ever. It's what you want.

But is it?

'Hey,' Doug whispered as he reached over to grip Ste's hand gently, pulling Ste away from his daydream. 'It's just you and me yeah?'

'Oh yeah, sorry. Erm...' Ste stammered.

'What was that again?' Ste asked the priest.

'Do you Steven Hay take Douglas Carter...'

Man up Ste. He thought to himself. For once think with your head not your heart. Your heart has gotten you into enough heart ache and pain already over the last few years. You need the logical happiness you have here.

Don't you dare ruin it!

'I do.' Ste declared, fixing his eyes on Doug as he watched Doug light up, his smile reaching his ears.

This was where Ste was meant to be. With Doug. At their wedding. At their new beginning.

And yet as the wedding was about to draw to close and as the grooms were about to have their first kiss as a married couple, the unspeakable words were spoken.

'but I don't.' Ste whispered.

Once again, silence gripped the air, refusing to let go of it as all eyes turned to stare at the grooms.

Noone dared move. No one even dared to breathe.

And within another second, Ste was seen running out of the hall. Running away. As far as he could get from the place.

* * *

Stopping at the bottom of the stairs, Ste turned around to look behind him.

Did he just do that? Did he just run away from his own wedding?

Oh that stupid look.

It wasn't a surprise though. All Brendan had to give him was one look. One. And Ste was in the palm of Brendan's hand. It had always been like that. And it will always be like that.

No matter how far they were from each other, no matter what Brendan had done to Ste in the past, ultimately Ste knew Brendan has given himself entirely to Ste the minute he declared his love for him.

The minute he stopped Ste walking out of the apartment by saying _I love you, Steven._

3 words so simple, yet so effective and so hard for Brendan Brady to ever speak. Even to his family, his blood, so let alone Ste.

But no...Ste thought to himself. No, this was wrong. He needed to go back now. He needed to go back and beg Doug for forgiveness. Blame it on the nerves. He wanted to be with Doug. It was just cold feet. That's what everyone has before their wedding right?

And yet instead of climbing back up the stairs two at a time, Ste found himself walking further and further away from the hall. Away from the place which they had spent months saving up to be able to book an hour at.

The place where everything was supposed to be fixed.

Where all the bad things that had happened in the past wouldn't matter anymore because whatever was going to happen in the future would be enough to balance all the bad out.

And yet Ste had walked away from all that. For what? He asked himself. He honestly did not know.

As he walked back into Hollyoaks village, he looked up at the oh so familiar Chez Chez.

Standing tall and dark, towering over everyone in the village. Firm in the middle of the village, as if to show off its power above the rest. Show off his power.

And then Ste snapped out of it. He snapped out of his wedding daze and remembered.

Brendan! He was leaving for good. He wasn't coming back. He...

Before Ste could even give his thoughts another second, he had made it up to the Brady's flat and was thumping on the door.

'Brendan! Open up!... Brendan!' Ste continued to pound on the door but realising there was no response, he ran back down and stood at the bottom of the stairs, looking around him.

Begging something to jump out at him and give him a hint as to where Brendan had gone.

And as he gave up and rested his head down, something caught his eye.

Lying on the floor as if it had been tossed carelessly onto the street, laid Ste and Doug's wedding invitation.

As Ste went to pick it up, he could only see one name at the top of the invitation.

_Dear Brendan Brady._

__He was gone.

For good.

* * *

*Beep* *Beep* *Beep*

What was that noise? Would it shut the hell up already? He tried to move but couldn't. He could hear talking, he could feel people in the room.

Wait where was he?

He tried desperately to open his eyes, to move his hands, to move his body, but nothing was working?

Hey...help! What's wrong with me? He tried to scream. But nothing happened. He heard no sound. He heard no help coming. What?

'He's still a John Doe. It's been almost 2 weeks. And still no one has been reported missing that even vaguely fits his description. All we need is a name.'

Wait, who was that talking? I have a name! What do you mean I don't have a name! Everybody knows who I am.

What the hell are you lot on about?

Oi...OI!

And yet, despite all his efforts, the voices faded as the distance between them grew and grew.

My name...he thought to himself.

'I'm Brendan Brady! He shouted.

But noone heard a single scream.

* * *

**So tell me what you think! Please review! I didn't really like this chapter and feel like its not going in a very strong direction but do tell me what you think!**

**Thank you! x**


	3. Chapter 3

**Ok I know! I'm sorry I'm sorry! I've finally written the next chapter to this and here it is. Hope you enjoy and as usual ignore the mistakes and please review :) **

**Also sorry that this chapter is shorter than the previous ones. Tell me if you don't like how short it is and I'll hopefully be able to try and write a longer one next time!**

* * *

_The damn beeping sound. Would it ever go away?_

*beep* *beep* *beep*

Brendan laid in bed. He had lost track of time. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, he couldn't tell anyone who he was.

But what had happened? He tried to pick his brain but nothing came to mind.

Oh yes. Cheryl. Hollyoaks...the bar!

So why was he here now?

The door opened as he heard footsteps approaching him.

'So how's the check up going?' A male asked.

'Good. Nothing much has changed doc. He's stable now and looks like he's getting better but when he'll be out of this coma well as you know, is anyone's guess.'

'Good. Good. Any idea who this man is? Has anyone reported him missing?'

'No sir, it's been nearly 2 weeks. I don't know what else we can do.'

'Well the police have already put out alerts but so far noone has seemed to see them.'

'He must have had a good life though. He was driving a Mercedes before all this.'

'Yeah...well sometimes the people who seem to have it all, really have noone at all.'

With that, the footsteps were heard again and the door shut.

* * *

It's been 2 weeks. 2 weeks since the wedding and Ste still felt the same. Guilty as hell.

And so so stupid.

He had thrown away his fairytale for something that would never happen. His prince charming for someone who wanted nothing to do with him.

Ste had called. Over and over for the first week. He had called Brendan nearly every single hour and every single time his heart got broken a little bit more when Brendan didn't pick up.

He didn't know what to do. He didn't know how he was supposed to feel.

Was he supposed to be angry at Brendan? Or himself? After all, everyone had warned him about Brendan.

Even his own head was told him to go with Doug and stay far far away from Brendan.

But once again, his heart ignored his head and laid out the path for its own destruction.

So here we are.

A drunk 20 something year old curled up naked in the corner of a dark and dusty room rocking himself back and forth staring into the darkness allowing himself to be consumed by the silent air.

And yet only a minute ago, the room had been filled with the sound of smashing glass and slurred shouts. Shouts which had been repeated so much that they no longer made sense even to the shouter himself.

Everything had been distorted.

Everything in his world had been turned around.

In the matter of a few days he had managed to throw away everything he had worked months to build up. His relationship with Doug. His ability to stand up for himself. And being able to stay away from Brendan Brady.

No. No. No.

He was not going to let this play out the way Brendan had said it would. That he would always go crawling back. NO!

With that, Ste pushed himself off from the ground and rushed to the sink, splashing himself with freezing cold water, thinking to himself :

_Get a grip of yourself Steven Hay. He's not coming back and you've known that since the minute you saw he had left the village. You've had two weeks now. Man up and deal with it. It just wasn't meant to be. You were not meant to be with Brendan Brady._

With that, Ste stepped into the shower and gently began to wash away all the dirt, all the hurt and pain he had been dealt over the last two years and wiping his tears away, he promised himself that these tears would be the last he ever shed for Brendan Brady.

* * *

**TWO YEARS LATER**

'We're here. Hollyoaks village. That would be £40.50 please.'

'Here keep the change.'

'Thanks.'

The door of the cab was opened and promptly shut. Grabbing the duffle bags from the floor, he breathed in the fresh air and looked around.

'Not too bad...definitely not too bad. This could be home.' He said to himself as he tried to figure out where he was supposed to go.

'Ah up the stairs thats it.' He said as he began to stride over.

However before he could take his first step up the stairs a voice stopped him.

'Bre...' the voice panted as it struggled to get the words out. 'Brendan?'

Brendan slowly turned around. 'Sorry do I know you?'

'St...' He cleared his voice. 'I'm Ste...Steven Hay?'

* * *

**Once again I am so sorry this is so short but I have a rough idea of where things are going now but I don't know how the story is gonna end. **

**Do you guys want a happy Stendan ending in the end or more of a angsty cliff hanger?**

**Please review and I hope you enjoyed!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**Yes, you can all be angry at me for taking about 10 years to upload this. I have no other excuse other than losing motivation with this despite having planned out exactly where I was going as I'm really starting to think that this is a pretty bad fic. **

**But due to requests I've been receiving from a number of lovely readers, I decided I would go ahead and at least finish all that I've planned so here is Chapter 4.**

**Again I'm sorry and hope you enjoy! Please review as well, good or bad I want to hear your opinion!**

**As usual I haven't read through it to check it so sorry for any mistakes whether spelling or in the storyline.**

* * *

'Right...er nice to meet you.' Brendan said, confused as he turned around and continued walking up the stairs.

'What are you playing at?!' Ste shouted after him. 'Where have you been for the past 2 years?!'

'Sorry I'm new here? Do I know you...?' Brendan slowly said.

'Don't you dare do this. You selfish son of a bitch. I've waited for you every single day for 2 years. I never once gave up that you would come back and you're back! Oh...I can't believe it...oh you're back! OMG I've missed you so much.' Ste said in a hurry as he leaned in to give Brendan a kiss.

'Woah woah woah!' Brendan immediately recoiled away from Ste. 'What do you think you're doing? I don't even know you! I'm not even gay! You've mistaken me for someone else! Not that you could...I mean look at me I'm one of a kind.' Brendan chuckled to himself at his little joke.

But serious again, Brendan snapped back into reality as he walked forward to square up to Ste, towering over him 'Look I don't know what game YOU'RE playing at, I don't know who you are so back off before I do something I regret.'

'Wow...this is a whole new low Bren, pretending you don't remember me. So you haven't changed at all...' Ste said with a hint of sadness at the end.

'Whatever...I don't have time for this.' Brendan muttered as he turned on his heel and strode up the stairs.

Ste felt his legs give in as he collapsed in a heap on the floor. His mind was running at a thousand miles at the same time it was completely blank. He didn't know what to think. How to feel.

He had been holding on with every muscle in his body to the idea that Brendan would come back. That he would come back for him.

And he did get his wish. There was just a twist. He didn't come back for him. And once again Ste was back to square one. The man he had fought so hard for and loved didn't exist anymore.

Picking himself off from the ground and wiping the tears away with his sleeves he didn't even have the strength to run home.

* * *

Knocking on the door, Brendan shivered as he pulled his leather coat tighter.

'Where the bloody hell are you Chez?' He muttered as he gave the door another thunderous bang.

'I'm coming! I'm coming! Don't get your knickers in a twist!' He heard a high pitch voice exclaim followed by the sounds of high heels.

'OMG Bren!' Chez screamed as Brendan was greeted with a huge hug and kiss.

'What are you doing here?! Omg its so good to see you!'

'So are you going to let me in Chez?'

'Of course! Come in Come in!' Chez exclaimed as she ushered her brother in, slamming the door behind him.

'I thought you were in Dublin? Why are you here? Has something happened?'

'What? Wanting to get rid of me already? Show some sibiling love eh sis?'

'No no its not that you know I love having you here it's just...why are you here Bren?'

'I have some pretty big news for you...I thought I would come here, spend a couple weeks here before I whisk you away.' Brendan replied.

'Whisk me away where?' Cheryl asked.

'Don't get too excited I know how you girls get with these sorts of news but...I may have found someone 'special' or whatever you call it.' Brendan exclaimed, his face mixed with a sense of shock and happiness.

'WHAT?!' Cheryl shouted as her face showed her inner conflict between happiness and confusion and anger? She wasn't sure.

'Well don't be too happy for me!' said Brendan.

'No no I am happy for you...' Cheryl quickly said responding to her brother's sarcasm. 'It's just...who?'

'Emily. You'll meet her soon enough. She's coming in a week.'

'Emily...a girl...?' Cheryl slowly questioned.

'Yeah course...what else?' Brendan laughed. 'It's not as if I'm gay now is it?'

'Speaking of which something unusual happened just now.' Brendan said.

'It can't get any stranger than this' Cheryl whispered to herself.

'Some guy down in the village just tried to kiss me. Must have mistaken me for someone else. He did know my name though. Odd really. Probably couldn't resist my handsome Irish charm.' Brendan told the story.

'He didn't happen to say his name did he Bren?' Cheryl asked, her face growing more anxious by the second.

'Yeah he did actually...something beginning with a S..Stan? No that wasn't it...'

'Was it Ste?' Cheryl quietly asked.

'Yeah that was it.' Brendan said pointing at Cheryl. 'Steven. That was his name. You know him?'

'Yeah...' Cheryl said as she forced a smile and stared at her brother, her heart breaking for the poor boy. 'You're probably right. Was just your Irish charm. Don't go breaking hearts eh?'

'Well, if everything goes well, in a couple of weeks I probably won't get the chance to.' Brendan said with a cheeky smile at Chez.

Cheryl gave Brendan a weary look, her brows frowning ruining the beautiful constructed face that had obviously taken a while this morning.

'Don't worry about it Chez.' Brendan said. 'It'll all be revealed in a couple of days.' He said giving Chez a wink.

Giving her another hug, Brendan approached the door of his old room. 'I'm just going to take a shower alright? Get back to all this catching up when I'm back. Don't you go anywhere.'

As Brendan was about to shut the door, he turned around and said 'I really have missed you Chez. It's been too long.'

'Yeah it has.' Cheryl replied as the timing of the door shutting coincided with the pain she felt for a certain young boy as the reality of Brendan not only forgetting Ste but that he had found another someone again sunk in.

* * *

The sound of running water emerged from Brendan's room and Cheryl quickly grabbed her keys and ran out the flat, making sure to scribble a note and leave it on the table first.

_Gone out to get some wine to celebrate. Make yourself at home. Chez x_

Flying down the stairs, she headed towards Ste's house, regretting not changing into flats as she struggled to keep her speed and balance in her heels.

Too quickly to her liking though, she arrived at Ste's flat.

Hesitantly, she knocked on his door. Failing to get a response, she knocked again, banging harder this time.

'Ste love, it's me! Please let me in. I heard what happened.'

The door instantly flew open, her eyes meeting with Ste's deadly glare.

'What? What do you have to say eh? How you lied to me for 2 years? Claiming you had no idea where he was? Well he came back for you. Not me you! So you obviously had been in contact with him. You're just like him with all your lies! Why did I think I could trust you? Why did I think you were my friend? You sat there and watched me cry myself to sleep for months and you didn't say anything! How could you?!'

'I can explain Ste! Just let me in and I'll explain everything. Please. I've only got a couple minutes.'

'That's all you're getting anyways.' Ste muttered as he stepped aside and let Cheryl walk in.

* * *

You have to understand something. The Brendan Brady before and after the accident is not the same man. Sure you have the same egotistical bastard who can charm his way through anything. You have the dark, dangerous yet sexy side which girls or even guys can't resist. But something changed.

The doctors had said that he would have memory loss. That they couldn't determine how bad it was until he woke up. They had no idea of predicting what memories would be lost and what memories woud be saved.  
However Cheryl believed that whatever happened it was meant to be. There was a reason. God had a reason.

So when Brendan had woken up, and had somewhat forgotten the past 2 years, she realised she was stuck with a dilemma. A serious one.

The past two years. That's 730 days gone. Vanished. Not only had Brendan lost his memories though, he had lost his one of the factors of his 'identity' that being, he was gay.

Cheryl had stood idly by as she watched her brother fall back into bad habits of sleeping around with every possible girl that would look his way, and that was pretty much everyone.

That wasn't the only thing though. Even Brendan's resentment against their father had somewhat been lifted. Don't get me wrong, they will never be best friends just having a drink and watching the footie together but they weren't at each other's throats 24/7 anymore.

But there was a bigger question which Cheryl felt had been placed in her responsibility to answer. Ste. What does she tell him?

She was all set as soon as Brendan woke up to call Ste. She didn't want to have the possibility of Brendan not realising who Ste was when he woke up and had managed to keep this a secret, walking on egg shells for a few weeks. But when Bren had finally come around, she was given her worst concern. Brendan didn't remember Ste. His Steven. Nothing.

She didn't even have to ask him. She knew from the minute he woke up but pretended that it was just too early. When a week had passed, she started blaming it on the painkillers for messing with Bren.

But finally, when Bren was discharged and sent home and she had accompanied him back to Ireland to take care of him while he got better, lying to Ste that she needed to go and spend time with her dad, she realised that this was all now down to her.

It was in her hands to decide. Decide the fate essentially between them. Don't get me wrong. This new nicer Brendan had surprised Cheryl. The doctors did say there could be some personality differences. That she just had to go along with it to make him as comfortable as possible. So she had done just that.

She avoided all talks regarding Hollyoaks. Always brushing aside specific questions when Brendan asked what he had been up to for the past 2 years.

All he knew was that they went to a village in a Chester called Hollyoaks and had been developing a club there called ChezChez. Nothing else was mentioned. No Mitzeee, no Warren, and definitely no Ste.

But a part of her had been biting away at her. Surely Ste deserved to know? Deserved to know that Brendan didn't abandon him. Not really. That Brendan didn't hate him like Ste was now starting to believe.

But something stopped her. Brendan had absolutely wrecked, crushed, destroyed Ste's life. He had beaten every last ounce of pride out of him and left him on the ground to die. He had manipulated him, lied to him, hurt him mentally in ways far more superior than physically. How could she possibly introduce Ste to that again? Especially when Bren wasn't 'out' anymore. She couldn't possibly invite Ste back into this trap again and watch it all play out all over again. She just couldn't.

But. a voice whispered in her head. He was also the one to help pick him back up. He had been a big part of how strong Ste had become. He had saved him from Walker, he had protected him and loved him with all his heart.

But that wasn't enough anymore. Not when the somewhat new Brendan couldn't remember Ste. Couldn't remember the intense love he had felt for the boy, so powerful everyone could see it and feared the thought of coming in between them.

So Cheryl had made a decision. She had to. She would continue as usual. No mention of Ste was made to Brendan and no mention of Brendan was made to Ste. One was in Dublin and one was in Hollyoaks. Their worlds would never collide again and it was better for them. Both of them. For everyone.

* * *

Cheryl had thought it would never catch up to her and yet here she was, trying to explain herself to Ste.

'Before you get all angry at me and especially Bren, I think there's something you need to know.' Cheryl said, sitting herself down gently on the couch.

'Bit late for that now don't you think? Just spill out whatever you have to say. There's nothing you can say that would make me forgive you two. You both lied to me for two years. Two whole years and Brendan is continuing with his lie. You don't understand how much that hurts Chez. To look right into the eyes of someone you love who doesn't even want to remember you...'

'It's not like that.' Cheryl cut in, standing up again, clearly distressed as she paced around the flat.

'He didn't have a choice. He doesn't have a choice.'

'A choice to do what?'

'Ste love, 2 years ago, you know when Brendan left? He...' Cheryl's story interrupted as she sniffed back tears.

'He was in a car accident. I think he was going too fast or some driver wasn't look where they were going. Whatever the story was, he was hurt. Really bad. He was in a coma for forever. And when he did finally come around, he had some...memory loss. Loss he couldn't control. Noone could.'

Ste felt his world get smaller and smaller. Accident? What? No... memory loss? Coma?

'What? No. You're lying for him. You're helping his little game in trying to forget me.' Ste said stubbornly as he refused to believe Cheryl.

'Sweetheart, I promise you I'm telling the truth.'

'What so all of a sudden I can take your word after all this now?'

'Look I know you're hurt but I'm here to lay down everything out in the open now. Bren was hurt bad. And when he woke up, he didn't remember Hollyoaks. Or anything within the past two years. I didn't want to tell you because it wouldn't have been fair to put either of you in that situation. Especially you. I didn't want you to get hurt all over again.'

'And you somehow think I wasn't hurt this way?'

'You were getting better! You were moving on! If Brendan had been back and you realised he didn't remember you and he met this Emily girl in front of your face then what would you have done? You would've been crushed! It would have been the whole Brendan Brady not coming out as gay all over again!'

'What Emily?'

'Oh it's nothing' Cheryl said, instantly regretting her little rant.

'No no, you said Emily. Like she means something. Who is she? Cheryl who is she?' Ste started raising his voice, his entire body overtaken with jealousy/

Cheryl looked at Ste with sympathy as she dropped her eyes to the floor, unable to face seeing Ste's face crumble.

'She's some girl that Brendan has met back in Dublin.'

'It's nothing serious though right? It's Brendan we're talking about here.'

'He um...'

'What?!' Ste pushed.

'He said she was special and that he's got something planned. I don't know what it is but I can take a guess.' Cheryl whispered quietly.

'OMG.' Ste whispered. 'OMG OMG OMG. No No No...'

Ste stumbled backwards as his back collided with the wall. His legs gave way as he slowly slided down, collapsing in a pile on the floor.

'He's going to propose to her isn't he?' Ste asked.

'Isn't he?' Ste pushed again when he got no reply, looking to Cheryl.

He didn't even need an answer. One look at Cheryl's face gave it all away.

Brendan Brady was getting married again. And it wasn't to him.

And that killed him. It really did.

* * *

**Thanks for reading! Please review and tell me what you thought, good or bad I'll take everything you say on board for the next couple of chapters.**

**x**


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